It's been a tough week for me this week

It has really been a tough week. It is pretty bad when I look forward to going to get a root canal more than waking up. Even though I barely felt anything while he was ripping the nerves out of there canals, It was a tingle. More than I usually feel on my left side, which is nice. I guess the saying, "The pain lets me know I'm still alive." Is true in this case. Not that it really was pain, well not to the standards that most of you think of as pain anyhow.
     Why was this such a long week, well, monday was the day that Zarek left us all those years ago. I Miss him more than anyone can ever remotely imagine, and it put me in this downward spiral a week before the actual day, and it still grates on my soul.
     Then, as if another kick in the throat, I find out that I am completely and utterly broke until I get a bit more money on the 16th. Bills, Medical and Otherwise stack up, and keep on going. I have been doing my damnedest to stop asking for anyone to help because it makes me feel as though I am a burden. I am the one that is supposed to be helping everyone, not the other way around, and It kills me. Twice this week people had to lend me 5 dollars just so I could make it back from school, which made me feel even worse.
     What am I doing wrong here. I do my best to do the right thing, I help anyone and everyone. I Give freely, and never expect anything in return. Was I that much of an evil bastard in a past life that it decided rear its head in this life? I guess so...
     Everyday I am reminded of just how much of a waste alot of the things I am trying to do are. Although Stagnating in Mediocrity is not something that is even an option, I don't beg borrow or steal to meet my own agenda. Yet continually this world kicks me in the teeth for it. I'm done whining, and complaining. Its not so bad I guess. Have a good week.
    

Am I slipping?

Lately, I have been out of sorts. I've noticing that most of my blog posts in the past few months have been me sounding like a broken record. Blah blah blah, I do everything I can. Blah blah blah, It never seems like enough. I get this sneaking suspicion that I am slowly falling back into that downward spiral that got me into this dark place, and there really isn't anything I can do too stop it. The sad thing is, I can point my finger directly at what the problem is. The Almighty Dollar. I'd give you all an entire list of reasons for this, but lets be honest, I doubt any of you would really care to hear it.
    In the past, I have followed on rule that has helped me when I get like this. "Think Globally, Act Locally" But even this gem of the written language hasn't been doing much to help me lately. Maybe its all of the programs that I have signed up for that offer "help", only to be turned away. Or perhaps its just me. I don't know. I'm not going to spout off any ideas about my ideas on where MS comes from, nor am I going to do much more that sleep tonight. Be that as It may, I hope you have a great super bowl night tonight. I will talk to you all soon enough.