Why am I always brought to tears

This time of year has been historically sad  for me. I don't try to focus on the negative, but if you lived life like I have,then  you may understand. I was never truly given a chance to be an adult. I do well with the mask I have perfected over the year's. Was I not paying attention to the way things happened? Or was I lying to myself about my ability to be more than I am?
I have the love of my life. And I am never letting go of her . I have learned a lot from my past, and yet I still feel as if I am going to forever feel as if I Will be forever held accountable for my mistakes.

Why do I fall through the cracks?

I am not sure why but I always seem to fall through cracks.
When I ask for assistance I am told that I make too much money, or I am not eligible for medical funding because my ailment is not as important as others.
Every place I talk to seems to has nothing available, at this time.
Why wouldn't I be annoyed?
Why wouldn't I feel lost in a swirling mass of chaos?