It was a day.

Not good, not bad, just a day. It is interesting how things work out, even for those broken like me. I guess I'm not really that bad off, and frankly I'm happy I'm as tough as I am. I know this is only the beginning of my new journey, but it is a beginning. I'm not quite happy yet,  but I'm getting there. I'm to the point of acceptance, but acceptance of this situation is not a sign that I'm ok with it. It is what it is though, not a damn thing I can do to change it, but move forward. Namaste everyone.

Oh fun.

Today is supposed to be a day about love. I see so many people who are struggling with inner conflict, and broken hearts, that it truly makes me sad. A day that is supposed to be used as a show of complete love between two lovers, destroyed by selfishness, and the ever lasting search for something better. Material goods, flowers, card's, these are not the basis for the meaning of today. Reach out, hug the one you love, tell them how you feel. That is the meaning, not what the corporate nation wants you to think. Take my advice, love those that love you back. Keep the ones who care close to your heart, and never let them go. Happy Valentine's day.

Ya know

I'm glad you are happy in the complacent mediocre life you have. I know that you are just dandy with your life, and feel better when you know I feel like crap. I personally care less that you are doing everything that you want, and realize now the anger I feel is ok. You hurt me, in ways that I just don't care to mention. Have fun, I know I'm going to find happiness.

Wonderful situation

I have come to the realization I am not truly angry with her, I'm angry at the situation she has thrust me into. No remorse, absolutly no regard for anyone else involved, especially me. I am angry at her bi proxy, but not directly. As she keeps pushing, she wants me to break. I believe it is to make me out to be the bad guy, as an explanation for her actions. I am tougher than that and able to handle any thing with logical responses, and non confrontational poise. But still I feel pressed into a corner. I may bite, and snarl; however, I am not a dog waiting to pounce.
I am an intelligent human being. I hope that my intelligence will lead me through this trouble, and bring me out tempered on the other side.

Starting new

How is it that after all these years, I went from one end of the spectrum, to the other. I'm truly at an impasse right now, a crossroads between starting fresh, and staying stuck. A veritable cornucopia of feelings has crossed my psyche recently, and it is quite the rollercoaster ride. To those that I hurt, I ask for forgiveness, to those I scared, I apologize. To those that hurt me, I forgive you. Those that scared me, I forgive you. If that isn't good enough, oh well, can't say I didn't try.

Well great

So today was a wonderfully magical bullshit day. Things that should work out, end up going the opposite direction than they should. My car died, once again. This time right in the middle of the highway. I was once again stuck in a situation I didn't ask for, and feeling like I was being punished for it. What a wonderful life I live, and I push forward more and more. I was accepted to work a pt second shift job at turkey hill. Thats good news, and a step in the right direction. But then the crap of life follows me. It's like the universe is trying to talk to me, tell me I'm doing something wrong, what I do not know. But something.