Deeply sad

Why am I always sad inside?  The more I try to be happy,  the sadder I get inside.  I shouldn't be sad,  I have the love of my life which is a wonderful thing.  I still often fall into sadness,  and I am not sure why.  Is it possibly I struggle to find happiness because I have no control over my life.  Forcibly I lost my son,  forcibly I have to rotate around my daughter,  who never wants to leave my side.  Forcibly I watch the slow decline of my body and mind.  Forcibly I ellipse around those I care about.  I am not going to give up,  but it weighs on me.

Many things that I want to do

I have many things that I enjoy,  that I am unable to do anymore.  I finally have a love that I have wanted,  even though things are not perfect,  she makes me happier than I ever thought was possible.  Maybe I care to much,  or maybe I am simply unable to articulate the way I feel right now.  I wish I knew,  even though I am sure it is all in my head.