Why do I find solace in the past.

I have been told that I focus on the past too much , and that I don't give room for the present, and or future. This is true, but I was never asked why.

It is because I am afraid of the future,  and deeply internally angry with the present,  and humans as a whole.
The future,  I look at with utter and complete fear.  I know that my health is an exercise in entropy.  With no exact definition of when it will remove another part of me. Yet it is guaranteed to do so. And so in my head,  I calculate every second of every day.  The variables are undefined and oftentimes interchangeable, but variables none the less.
So I begin to realize that I am suffering from quantum entanglement,  and yet it made me who I am today. And I cannot change it,  nor would I.

As for my utter disdain for the present,  people.  People are worse than any virus,  and equally as unforgiving and destructive.  No matter how much I try to help,  put my best foot forward,  do unto others as I want to be done to me, I am reminded of the folly in attempting to do so. Capitalism,  communism,  Christian,  Muslim,  Buddhist,  monk,  priest, nun,  pastor,  preacher.  Every single one of them,  are wrong.  Everything is upside down,  and i cannot do a damn thing to help.  So, in typical Glen fashion,  I get angrier and angrier,  which in turn makes me sadder and sadder.

What do you think?

Life is an immense trigonometric,  algebraic evaluation system,  coupled with an answerable equation. The variables are , well,  variable; undefined and oftentimes interchangeable. Many times,  people think that is dark,  and painfully accepted. Here's the thing.  I find beauty in that which is dark and usually unwanted. And sadly,  it is oftentimes unacceptable.

The meaning

Not a joke,  not a quip about what good is life,  or the answer too life, the universe,  and everything.
I struggle so much with internalized,  silent and pervading sadness.  So much, that it has affected many people near me. But why? I'm not exactly sure if I am as important as seems, why not simply tell me? I'm not talking about the past, or what has been said before.  I'm talking about showing me right now.