Alas

Why do I get so manic over things that happen,  regardless of whether I could have done anything about it or not.  My cat disappears after moving into my new apartment,  and I have a million thoughts about it.  Why is it so hard for me to just relax and unwind.  I am wound so tight,  I can barely breath at times.  Why is it that no one feels like they are deserving of me,  or my love and devotion.  I wish I knew what is wrong.  What do I need to know that everyone else seems to see.  All in all.  I am glad that I am going to rest now,  but I think that I am going crazy thanks to no one willing to explain things to me.

Why do I keep trying?

I often pose this question to myself,  and I am at my wits end thanks to the universe.  I try,  and try,  and try some more. Hoping that I will be better somehow.  But I never get to the point of being able to find my way through the turmoil that surrounds me.  It hurts being me. It is painful to move and painful to watch the world change. I don't know what to do,  and I don't know where to turn anymore.  No one can help me,  never can.  That is the worst part of this affliction. The entropy that it causes,  and not a thing anyone can do.  Oh well,  why should I even try anymore. 

People just don't get it

I put everything into the things that I do. Everything.  I also try to be great at everything that I do. Sadly, I miss the mark,  often.  I sit in my car,  in front of my apartment,  and I look as the world passes me by. This makes it hard for me to express my feelings. I am not sure if that is the worst thing about this,  or if my life has just been hell,  no matter what I do.  Such is life I guess.

Oh fun

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I am constantly feeling the pain caused by my ailment,  yet I am made sadder, because I convert it.
I have explained that before,  but I think that it is an example of trying to get to know myself better.  See,  I am often sad,  and heart broken,  because love finds a way of eluding me. This kills me,  as I get so close and then I have it ripped out from under me.  It hurts to think that I try so hard,  only to find out that I am not going to be able to stay. I love my kiddo and I want to see her often,  but I am not sure if I can stay in this area anymore.  To much sadness and to much noise that is not able to fix itself.  Good god,  universe,  whatever you are.  Why am I so conflicted with this state of affairs.  Good job glen,  why would you ever be able to get things done the way you want.