Maybe that is what I am supposed to be

The external bystander,  who watches, and tabulates,  and tries to understand . Not fit in but perpetually be a bystander. Many times I have thought that I fit in, but I was very very wrong.

The world gets smaller

In days long past, the world seemed to be dauntingly huge. As the days turned to weeks, and the weeks too months, I look back at the world,  and cry. How much has transpired in a relatively short period of time,  and I am still the same shy, angst ridden, guy, who has donned a million masks, just to fit in. And still I struggle.  Not because I don't understand. Maybe that is the issue, I think I understand too much, think I know too many people and things. But I don't know a damn thing.

Once again

I am stuck in a holding pattern. Am I forever destined to be a man permanently stuck in that whirlpool. always be stuck in a
Permanent whirlwind, and always be the ship passing in the night? Just sitting on the edge of the horizon,  and floating where the tides take me? Why is safe harbor,  just out of reach?