Confessions of a jealous cynical man

I'm cynical,  I'm jealous,  I often feel passed over, and my thoughts are a veritable whirlwind. My health has been slowly getting worse. Entropy to be sure. People that I gave my best years too, have walked away. Fluid thoughts enter my brain , and I feel forgotten. People that I thought of as family. Sadly,  they were nothing more than ships passing in the night. Do those people still think about me? I don't know. Have they already written me off,  once again,  I don't know.
There are day's that I want to do nothing more than climb into my imaginary shell,  and float away in the ocean. More so recently than Usual. Why? I don't know.

I forget

I forget more than I remember correctly anymore , and it is frustrating. The pace of my life has been akin to a rollercoaster. And yet in actuality,  I seemingly stand still. Thoughts of the distant past and not so distant past, seem t o swirl in and out of focus,  and I don't know why. Maybe it is the high pollen counts recently, maybe I have finally flipped my lid. I don't know.