once again frustrated

I know exactly what I want to do. Exactly what I would do for it. How deeply I have dug to try to find a way to move forward with every Idea I have. 

Unfortunately, I feel like I am not doing something correctly.

All I can do is shrug, look for something to piggy back and help. 

onward

The only way to go. Onward and upward. 

The sad Truth is, I am, and often have been sitting here, watching as life has passed me by. 

I often cannot help but feel passed over. Unfortunately,  those whom I actually thought, seemingly understood me, gave up on me when I needed them The most. Sadly, no matter how much I Tell myself that was a past that I was never supposed to be in, I still have silent urges to go back. Back to hell, back to pain and dark thoughts. Back to sadness.

Stay away from then, Glen, stay away.

Dreams of running

There was a time when running was almost a punishment for me.  Recently,  I have dreamed that no matter what I was able to run everywhere   Running was not a struggle.  It was almost a happy time that was enjoyable.  In the dream,  I went everywhere by running.  I ran to many places. Ran just to run.  Oh how I wish I could.  Every moment of every day. 

Before you go

I know . Stop thinking glen. 

 Yet my mind keeps going back to believing that everything is temporary.  Watching  the perpetual now, slowly, but surely, change.

I know  that so much transpires in the day to day rat race. As such, I cannot help but think and feel that I didn't do enough. At the end of the  day.  All that really matters. I am sorry that I missed the mark on so many things. 

So all I ask is,  before you go.  Please forgive me for not doing more in this blink of an eye. 

I don't mean to cause apathy

I guess I often become boring quickly. Not that it's any surprise,  really. I'm interesting to a point,  unfortunately that point usually becomes dull.  I'm not exactly the best. Don't have very much money.  Not really that special.  Regardless, when I love,  I love completely and without question. So it comes,  usually out of the blue,  when I get dropped.  But hey,  I'm still here. 

There are days

When I get so angry and sad that I feel that I should implode. More and more,  I'm shown how much I should be silently complacent. It always seems the more I struggle.  The happier others are.  I truly believe that it is my job to simply be a silent and complacent person in order to help everyone be happy.  

After all,  who knows anything else about my life and actions? Some have seen a small amount of my struggle,  but never the whole thing.  

Probing my shadow self part 5

I'm extremely stubborn.  Stubborn too a fault. When something seems to be amiss,  I stubbornly latch on.  I do everything I can  make sure it works how, I believe,  it is beneficial for everyone involved.  

I often find myself latching onto air.  Because my mind tells me to grasp onto something that I feel is wrong.  Yet truly,  it's not exactly there. 

I push myself to be better.  To be the best version of myself. All of this,  Without even caring about my well being. A lot of it is because I see a world that is suffering.  That has no thoughts that generally affect the whole.  It is often about the individual. 

I truly wonder if I am in the wrong. Have an icee and chill out yerger.