Have you ever had a nagging feeling that no matter what you do you you're bound to fail. That is the feeling that has been nagging me for a few weeks now. I've felt great for a long time. Months even. Things seemed to be looking up. Life was a little bit brighter. I was doing something, and excelling at it for the first time in years. Then, as if a damn had been broken, a stream of horrible luck swept over me. First my fathers aneurysm, then my brother in law totals my sisters car. Sure none of this directly deals with me, but it is only the tip of the iceberg. My car was trashed again by a local hooligan,breaking of my passenger side mirror. I'm finding it harder and harder to keep up with bills and my gas too and from School. When asking financial aid about it through email, as my Ovr officer
suggested, I have yet to receive a response. I am aware that they have other students that need assistance too. I come last, everyone else first. I am used to it.
I have also been fighting an internal struggle with my choices.I have an issue with my choices being wrong. I try to follow a strict code of action and ethics. But consistently I find that is the hard way. I am not sure if I should continue on the route I have begun, as I am not sure it is the correct path. I am speaking about becoming a CMA. I originally set on this path with the goal of a Medical Lab Tech in mind, but that changed, and I went with it. I am not sure if it was the right decision or not to switch majors like I did. I could complain, and this rant may come off as just that. But this is just a way to put my thoughts in a fashion that can be understood. When speaking I seem scatter brained.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Good, The Bad, and the Indifferent...
I am Proud to say that the first battle of the season went extremely well. The First battle of Strife Of Nations that is. Everyone had a blast, and truthfully that is all that matters. Although the Naz'Aure were stunted at the gate after a double attack within 15 minutes, everyone had alot of fun. For a Time, I was in a bit of a slump feeling as though I had let my fellow players down as a commander, and that perhaps I hadn't pushed when I should. I Meditated on it for a while, and I was much better for it. I realized that everyone had a blast, and at the heart of it all, that is what we were trying to accomplish. Although the warriors I commanded into battle were stopped short, I realize that I still win. Everyone had tons of fun, and Therefore Mission accomplished.
The Bad.... Well, my wife and I awoke today to a dual problem. The Bathtub faucet that we had spent all day on yesterday refused to work once again. We had to shut off the water until we fixxed the problem again. We then realized that the hot water heater was not pumping out warm water anymore. The Pilot light had gone out. When I entered the basement, I found 2 feet of water waiting for me, and no sound nor sign from my sump pump. A Piece of plastic had apparently washed into the pump and wound around the device, hampering it from realizing that there was water submersing it. It was the kick to the teeth that I have grown to expect, and frankly I'm surprised it hasn't crept up sooner. I fixxed all of the problems, and got the water heater back on, shrugged and flipped off the fates for screwing with me again.
The Indifferent... Well, I am extremely indifferent, I would like to think that anyone and everyone can come and talk to me about whatever they need too. Often times, the world seems to stop me from doing that, and yet I strive to continue. Sure, I could be down and out in a crack house, in a drug induced stupor to take away all of the pain I endure. Sure I could fall back on old ways of doing things as they are easier. Sure I could stop trying to help as often as I do. But, that would make me part of the problem, not the person trying to fix them. And that Is what I strive to do on a daily basis. I hope that in some crazy butterfly effect, my helping someone today, brightens your day tomorrow. And If not, I guess I just need to try harder.
The Bad.... Well, my wife and I awoke today to a dual problem. The Bathtub faucet that we had spent all day on yesterday refused to work once again. We had to shut off the water until we fixxed the problem again. We then realized that the hot water heater was not pumping out warm water anymore. The Pilot light had gone out. When I entered the basement, I found 2 feet of water waiting for me, and no sound nor sign from my sump pump. A Piece of plastic had apparently washed into the pump and wound around the device, hampering it from realizing that there was water submersing it. It was the kick to the teeth that I have grown to expect, and frankly I'm surprised it hasn't crept up sooner. I fixxed all of the problems, and got the water heater back on, shrugged and flipped off the fates for screwing with me again.
The Indifferent... Well, I am extremely indifferent, I would like to think that anyone and everyone can come and talk to me about whatever they need too. Often times, the world seems to stop me from doing that, and yet I strive to continue. Sure, I could be down and out in a crack house, in a drug induced stupor to take away all of the pain I endure. Sure I could fall back on old ways of doing things as they are easier. Sure I could stop trying to help as often as I do. But, that would make me part of the problem, not the person trying to fix them. And that Is what I strive to do on a daily basis. I hope that in some crazy butterfly effect, my helping someone today, brightens your day tomorrow. And If not, I guess I just need to try harder.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Piercing the Veil
I'm happy to say that my latest semester is almost over, and as soon as I finish my finals, I will be able to put another in the books. I have learned alot over the course of my schooling, some of it extremely important, but alot that I sort of wish I never knew.
I've learned that the majority of medical knowledge is a Guesstimation. Our common beliefs in the infinite wisdom of most doctors is fraught with inaccuracies. I've realized that although the quality of my life is not necessarily the happiest of things, it is all that I have. It saddens me to no end that I am a member of a dying breed in this world, Intelligent introspect ors. What has become of this world? I simply do not know, but the waning of the Roman empire show extremely harsh similarity to our dwindling civilization.
It is often hard for me to believe, and especially agree with, my own beliefs on ideas and Hypothesis, but then I go back to what others have said, and I realize that I'm not that far off base. Myelin Degredation From what I have read, it seems that science has been teaching the same Ideas and basis for MS as I have been digging at. In my thoughts, it was caused by a Viral infection that Altered the Dna making a source cell unrecognizable by the host body. The Oligodendrocytes and Axons being the cells that are altered. The Culprit, a Simple cold sore. Or at least the Virus that causes them, HSV1. I am in the process of putting all of my research together, to show my neurologist at my next appointment, and see what he thinks. I will most likely be laughed out of the office, and then told 4 years down the road that I was right, but thats ok. I've learned to expect that line of thinking.
If HsV1 can be linked to other diseases then it is not that far of a jump to think that it may be the same for MS.
"A possible link between HSV-1 (i.e., the virus that causes cold sores or oral herpes) and Alzheimer’s disease was reported in 1979.[28] In the presence of a certain gene variation (APOE-epsilon4 allele carriers), HSV-1 appears to be particularly damaging to the nervous system and increases one’s risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. The virus interacts with the components and receptors of lipoproteins, which may lead to the development of Alzheimer's disease.[29] This research identifies HSVs as the pathogen most clearly linked to the establishment of Alzheimer’s.[30] Without the presence of the gene allele, HSV-1 does not appear to cause any neurological damage or increase the risk of Alzheimer’s.[31] Many more Alzheimer's disease susceptibility genes, including the major players APOE, clusterin, complement receptor 1 and PICALM are involved in the herpes simplex life cycle as curated in this database"
I've learned that the majority of medical knowledge is a Guesstimation. Our common beliefs in the infinite wisdom of most doctors is fraught with inaccuracies. I've realized that although the quality of my life is not necessarily the happiest of things, it is all that I have. It saddens me to no end that I am a member of a dying breed in this world, Intelligent introspect ors. What has become of this world? I simply do not know, but the waning of the Roman empire show extremely harsh similarity to our dwindling civilization.
It is often hard for me to believe, and especially agree with, my own beliefs on ideas and Hypothesis, but then I go back to what others have said, and I realize that I'm not that far off base. Myelin Degredation From what I have read, it seems that science has been teaching the same Ideas and basis for MS as I have been digging at. In my thoughts, it was caused by a Viral infection that Altered the Dna making a source cell unrecognizable by the host body. The Oligodendrocytes and Axons being the cells that are altered. The Culprit, a Simple cold sore. Or at least the Virus that causes them, HSV1. I am in the process of putting all of my research together, to show my neurologist at my next appointment, and see what he thinks. I will most likely be laughed out of the office, and then told 4 years down the road that I was right, but thats ok. I've learned to expect that line of thinking.
If HsV1 can be linked to other diseases then it is not that far of a jump to think that it may be the same for MS.
"A possible link between HSV-1 (i.e., the virus that causes cold sores or oral herpes) and Alzheimer’s disease was reported in 1979.[28] In the presence of a certain gene variation (APOE-epsilon4 allele carriers), HSV-1 appears to be particularly damaging to the nervous system and increases one’s risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease. The virus interacts with the components and receptors of lipoproteins, which may lead to the development of Alzheimer's disease.[29] This research identifies HSVs as the pathogen most clearly linked to the establishment of Alzheimer’s.[30] Without the presence of the gene allele, HSV-1 does not appear to cause any neurological damage or increase the risk of Alzheimer’s.[31] Many more Alzheimer's disease susceptibility genes, including the major players APOE, clusterin, complement receptor 1 and PICALM are involved in the herpes simplex life cycle as curated in this database"
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