Thursday, July 23, 2020

Panic

I have this horrible tendency. The tendency comes in waves,  crashing through my thoughts.  Just like a tsunami. 

As soon as I feel even a tiny bit of happiness.  I am overcome with a foreboding feeling of panic.  

This panic comes from a deep feeling of guilt.  Guilt from the things that I have seen.  Guilt from the people who I have been unable to help.  Guilt from the time I squandered. Guilt from being filled with such potential, and letting it slip easily away. 

When I think about this, I have come to a point of realization.  I realized being so open to everything in the world,  So focused and detail oriented,  has not only let the light of all that I see into my life,  it also comes partnered with darkness. 

After realizing this,  I realized that although I know that I need to continue on the path less traveled.  I also just need to live to the best of my ability. 

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