I am too damn smart for my own good. I am in this never ending cycle of gut wrenching rage, realizing it won't help anything, and my brain shifting gears to grief and depression. The utter futility of it all is enough to drive me bat shit insane. Sure, I realize better things are coming, and I realize when they come my life will be unshrouded. But this faze of the transition hurts. And although I have very supportive friends and family, I still feel alone. Struggling with this great divide, really disgusts me. I am a great dad, sensitive, intelligent, and still able to realize that I am manly. Why in the hell is that causing issue, and forcing my hand to be angry and mean. I do not want to be angry all the time, but lately I cannot shake the fact that I am. Perpetually filled with rage, turned grief, and depression.
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