So angry I could cry

Have you ever been so angry you could cry?
That's my life anymore, and I am finished. When I get so angry that I want to rip someone's arms off, my conscience, and intelligence kicks in. I know that kind of violence wouldn't fix a damn thing, so my brain kicks in to the next emotion available, and my anger turns to grief. Instead of violently lashing out, I go deeper into depression. I feel I cannot truly rip someones arm off, it's not how I work, and I shut down. Truly, their is no fixing this, it is just who I am.
That red haze that covers my vision, fades ,and is replaced with the somber blackness of sadness, and self loathing. This is my daily battle, and it will never change. Take it or leave it, thats how it is.