I have this amazingly crappy case of terminal bad luck. Am I cursed? Perhaps. Am I just super unlucky, with no reason. Perhaps again. This state of life, unlucky in everything, is not how I want to live. Believe me, all I want is to be happy. I haven't truly been happy since February of 2002 when zarek left us. I tried very hard to find happiness, believe me I did. But it was always elusive, so I grasped at the past in the hope that it would help me find some peace of mind, some tiny inkling of true happiness. The past was not the answer, and good intentions lead to bad decisions. Bad decisions lead to deeper anguish, and struggling to find peace. So the cycle continued for years, and I was deep in an inner battle. Find happiness, dig deeper into the past, find none, get angry, depression sets in. This cycle ripples across the years, and I do my best to stave off anguished thoughts. True happiness seems a far journey, one that I cannot seem to find the strength to continue right now, but I slowly make my way.
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