There are day's

Oftentimes,  there are day's when , even with the happiness and love which surrounds me,  I succumb to my inner fear and darkness.  I will lay in my bed.  Stare at the ceiling for hours.  Trying to figure out what,  if any, wrong turns I made. 

Those night's,  as soon as the sun goes down.  I will succumb to slumber at first, yet then become nocturnal. Usually,  I will lay directly in front of my fan, no blanket,  no shirt.  My body temperature plummets, I feel frigid thoughts and the icy grip of my darkest feelings take the stage.  

Deepest fears.  Darkest thoughts.  Both which are held at bay during the day. They all begin  to Flood my thoughts.  My eyes turn shades of deep green,  darker blue, and sometimes grey.  

The pain of one thousand tiny cuts flash into my heart.  The anger  , which has been simmering for years,  bursts from my brain pan.

I do my best to Express my thoughts. I often feel a frozen hand on my arm,  sometimes even my face. Yet my word's are seemingly either unheard,  maybe ignored.